To Make My Dad Smile

The tree I set up at my dad's room in the nursing home:


This is how happy it made my dad and his buddy:


<3<3

Countdown!

It's an official countdown!!

I have seven more days of classes.
This week, Monday-Thursday.
Then next week are finals on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

YAY!
Though I must say I am 100% maxed out on stress about finals, and worried I may not pass, but there is also this big part of me that is screaming as long as I get C's I don't care! (of course I do care, because I have only gotten 2 C's in my college career and they devastated me).

I won't be around much for a while, I have a lot of studying to do before hellweek. Lots of Love!!

Mellow is Good.

Life has been mellow the last few days. After all that happened with my family member, I'm glad to say she is recovering well and things seem to slowly be getting back to normal.

School is a hassle. Next week is the last week before finals, and it's seriously crunch time. I have to perform my alternative Fairy Tale skit I mentioned next week, and I'm less than excited. That whole thing has been such a pain in rump. Coordinating 7 people to meet for rehearsals, agree on a script, blocking, and prop arrangement, then throw in 1 member who feels the need to defend herself constantly as if everything anyone says is a total insult, and it's chaos. I can't wait to take the final and run away from that class. Fun as the rest of the class has been, the last 14 weeks of it have been more than enough.

Today I went to a "birthday lunch" with my mom and we went out and did our Christmas shopping. I'm nearly all done! I have one thing to order from Amazon, and some stocking goodies to order for Nick. Because it's been a financially rough year, Nick and I have decided to only do stockings for each other and no substantial gifts. It's a little sad, but it also makes me remember that it's not about gifts, it's about the fact that I get to spend a happy holiday with my wonderful husband and enjoy his company as well as our family's. I actually even managed to wrap all the gifts I bough today! I'm very happy about this fact.

I have also been sewing. I find that if I have a project I am excited about then it becomes a good stress relief. Once finals are over I have a whole mess of projects to buckle into. And as this blog as my witness, I shall not procrastinate once school is out!

I'll leave you with a picture of my tree. I just love looking at it.(also our tivo.)

birthday

Thank you for the birthday wishes.
I am finally 22.

Having a hard time celebrating. There was a serious assault on a relative of mine, and if you are my friend on facebook you should know by the link I posted what's happened. All kinds of prayers for my relative would be appreciated.
Thank you.

Last night was not my birthday.

Last night was not my birthday. (tomorrow is).
That did not stop Nick, Sara, and Karin and I from celebrating last night!
We had a yummy dinner and then planned to hit 80's night at the bar, but somehow our "pre-going out cocktails" turned into a madness of drinking games and stickers and uh, a serious hang over. We never made it to 80's night.

I'm recovering today. :)
It was a nice surprise, since I was not planning on going out or celebrating at all.

Tomorrow I have class, but the second class is over I am rushing home and setting up the tree and having cake!
Have a good Monday you guys!

Why I Will Never Do Black Friday Again (aka: EFF YOU KOHLS)

Black Friday was probably my worst idea of the year, though technically it WAS Nick's ideas to begin with.

Last year I did Joann's on Black Friday and it was a success. Yes, I waited in line for like 4 hours or something, but it was the only thing on my agenda so it wasn't that bad. The year before that, I went to Mervyns (oh how I miss that store) and scored some great deals on sweaters and jeans.

This year, however, Nick and I were feeling lazy. When the ads didn't exactly thrill us, we thought we'd just go out later in the day to get the things we wanted.

Stupidstupidstupid.

We went to Walmart at about 10. It was...insane. I thought all the crazies would be gone since the 5am door busters were gone, but no. It seemed like everyone in the town of Chico was at Walmart, and they all had 1 objective: to cause mayhem. I mean seriously, most people had empty shopping carts and seemed to have no idea where they wanted to go but by God THEY WANTED TO GO THERE RIGHT THAT MINUTE. I was shoved and jostled and had to fight my way down aisles against packs of idiots who, flustered by the crowds and getting separated from their parties, would park their empty carts in the middle of the aisles and make huge road blocks and pile ups.

I believe in the end we spent $10 at Walmart, and none of it was anything super on sale that couldn't have waited.

We then went to Target, thinking that at about 11:30, there had to be less people. Nope.
Target was like a zoo without cages.
Apparently, everyone brings their kids to Target on Black Friday. I had kids running between me and the shopping cart I was pushing (take a moment to imagine that, strange kids running under the handle bars of a cart being pushed by a strangers). I had babies screaming in my ears, adults cursing their worst curse words while wrangling their kids in by their ears. It was madness. There was also a lot of people parking their carts in the middle of the aisles. Ugh.
We spent $11 at Target, again on things that weren't such a big deal.

We thought, ok-we're out and frazzled let's just do a big Christmas shopping spree at Kohl's.
Worst idea of the day.
It seemed really crowded, and I noticed a long line to the registers, but for some stupid reason that didn't faze me. I went ahead and filled my arms with gifts for all those hard-to-buy-for relatives. I was in the process of picking out MORE gifts when Nick insisted I see the check out line.

The store is shaped like a rectangle. The line began at the registers in the front center. It continued to one corner of the store, and then wrapped back down the adjacent wall. Then, at the end of THAT wall, it wrapped around and all along the wall parallel to the one with registers (essentially HALF OF THE STORE) and it was rapidly growing. This may have gone quick, except that Kohl's had a whole 4 checkers. FOUR. Four checkers for more than 200 people in line.

Disgusted, I threw down my Christmas gifts and we decided to go get similar things at JC Penny's since they are similar department stores. JCP is located in the mall, and that was a madhouse. After I swooned a bit over some kittens the humane society was there trying to adopt out, we ran into JCP. Guess what? They had the same stuff as Kohl's, mostly, but all of the sales ended at 1PM and it was 12:48 and the lines were long and we hadn't even picked anything out yet when I noticed the sales were ending.

Horrified, we stomped off to the car and begrudged everyone and their presence in the stores and sulked and came home and are not speaking about what a terrible waste it was.

The worst is that now we have to brave the stores AGAIN since we got hardly any gifts. We'll wait a while and do some shopping online, but I'm highly disappointed.

Also, I am holding the company that runs KOHLS 100% responsible for the fact that I will never do another Black Friday ever again.

lovelovelovelove

Today was a great day. My dad was able to enjoy himself without being in too much pain, he ate a lot of good food, and enjoyed the company. All of that made me incredibly happy.

I'm thankful for so many things. I have a truly great life, even though I melt down here and there. I have wonderful people in my life and great opportunities.

But I have to say that above all else, I'm so thankful for my husband. He is the most loving, supportive, kind, and understanding person I know and I am so blessed to get to share my life with him. He is my rational side, my strength, my defender, my best friend. And because of him, I have an amazing group of people I also get to call my family, which makes days like today that much sweeter.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I'm totally stuffed, but am so looking forward to left overs all week :) Thanks Grammy!

Love to you all!

But this is where I calm down.

I need to chill out.
Everything is going to be fine.
I am thankful that I get to spend the holiday with my mom and dad, and everyone else can go have their drama without me.
My life is good. Deep down really truly good, and I need to stop freaking out.
This is Patty taking a chill pill.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

And this is where I break down and rant and rave and my head almost explodes. Enjoy.

It's not really news to anyone that holidays bring out stress and family drama, but this year I am feeling like I have been 100% overloaded on both.

I'll try to keep this short so you don't get THAT confused, but here we go...

-First of all, my dad is starting hospice care on Monday. Hospice is individualized care within the nursing home by an out of facility group for terminal patients. It's extra care and pain management for people who do not wish to pursue treatment any longer. This is a big step, and it freaks me out because I don't know if my dad fully understands what he is getting into, but also because it feels like I am waving a big white surrender flag to the cancer. But it's not my cancer and not my choice, so I need to be OK with this. And I'm trying, but every single thing that goes wrong, every time I stub my toe or see dirty dishes in the sink I want to cry and scream and the sobbing always ends up being about this and not the dishes or my toe.

-Then, there's Thanksgiving. My sister is holding one, my mom is holding one, and my husband's family is holding one. And me? I'm supposed to be at all of them. And my dad? He's invited to my mom's sure, but only if I bring him. For weeks I had been thinking my dad could no longer be transported because he is so frail. I thought I would have to spend the afternoon with him at his nursing home and just tell everyone else to forget it, that he came first. But then my dad decided come hell or high water he wanted to go see my mom. So now I have to go transport my dad, and his catheter and wheelchair, in my itty bitty sedan to my mom's house. But my dad only wants to stay for an hour or two, and doesn't actually want to eat any food because the tumor in his stomach hurts too much. As such, once I get him there I will then get to sit for an hour or so (before the food is ready, he doesn't want to be there during dinner) and then transport him (and his catheter and wheelchair) back to his home. Then? Then I have to figure out if it is worth the gas to to drive BACK into town (where my mom and sister's dinners will be separately) and eat, or if I should just go into the city for my husband's family's dinner which will be almost ready at that point. Because everyone serves dinner at the same time.

-Then there's the fact that my side of the family will be full of personal drama. To be vague, my mom is upset with my sister, my sister is upset with my step dad, my niece is upset with my sister, my cousins are upset with my niece, my aunt is upset with my nephew, my dad is upset with my aunt and cousins, my niece is upset with my aunt and my cousins, and the list could keep going if I really felt like it.

And me? I'm upset with half of them too, but for totally different reasons, which I don't feel like going into. Bottom line is, however, that anywhere I go with my family is going to be full of tension. I'd much rather just eat deli food with my dad and then go to my husband's family's dinner, but that's not an option I guess.

-Also, Monday is my birthday. And I should be excited, but mostly I just don't want it. I'm stressed because it's nearing the end of the semester and I have a ton of crap to do and just no time to go spend time with my dramatic family but I have to make time or else I will have a serious attack of the guilt.

-Finally, I'm hating my classes right now. I got a B on my science test and an A on my science research project, which was fantastic since I didn't do so hot last time we took an exam. I was really stoked about it. Then I got a C on my math test, where I got an A the exam before this one, and it was crushing because it seems I slipped in one area to do better in another. My drama class is also driving me nuts, but mostly because I have to work in a group of 7 on a project and it's becoming increasingly hard for me to be polite to 6 other people who seem to care a lot less about their grade than I do.

/end vent.

I'm ready for Black Friday.

My name is Patty and I want to buy you a snowglobe.

I'm not being my hypochondriac self this time (or am I?)
I really truly am addicted to shopping (aren't I? Maybe I should look on webmd).

I have been making elaborate lists since October of all the people I need to give gifts to this year and what they'll be getting. It's not just one list, because always loose them, so I have made about 6 different lists with bullet points and foot notes and some even have bibliographies of where things should be purchased from.

I'm realizing, however, that I can't buy for everyone. It makes me feel bad, but here's the truth: I have no income. I have no time (or gas) to have a job (if I could even get one! I have applied many places), I have very limited financial aid, and my husband's work has been slow to say the least. So, as much as it breaks my heart, I can't buy gifts for my 3000 mile away sister, the awesome girls in my science lab, nor the handful of other relatives that I usually buy for and get nothing in return from.

I mean, is that totally selfish? Am I missing the point of the holiday season by leaving off people who traditionally give me nothing? I hope not. It's not that I don't love them, it's just that my funds have become as limited as theirs must be and they of all will understand. Or am I being a rude jerk by depriving them of the only gifts they thought they could count on?

The holidays are not meant to be this conflicting! If I could give every single one of my family and my blog readers and my lab partners gifts I totally would! But I gotta eat! And my cats have to eat! And that car insurance doesn't pay itself!

I feel like I am trying to convince myself, not you. That's ok. I'm nearly convinced now. Carry on.